Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Being a Young Grandmother.....

I think I was 38.. yes 38 when I found out my daughter was pregnant .... I hated my grandson's father, so that made it hard for me to LOVE my unborn grandson. I hated the prospect of being a grandmother ... seriously... AT 38?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me? UGH! I would take my daughter to her appointments, and I'd hear the heartbeat of my unborn grandchild and it didn't even pierce this steely resolve I had built up out of hatred.... I just didn't care.. no worse.. I HATED every moment of it.

My poor daughter, I can't even imagine the guilt she felt, the shame she felt at my own hands.. that she went thru those 9 months having to deal with my snickering, my meanness, my hate. and add to that.. I was ONLY 38.. I wasn't ready to bear the title of "GRANDMOTHER" you might as well have called me "GRANDDRAGON" or "GRANDWIZARD" or some "GRAND" horrible name... because it was just .... I couldn't accept and YET here it was, about to be my reality....

My grandson Fe'ao Fahina (currently age 7) came a 7 weeks early and the transition that took place in my heart... Night & Day... I fell INSTANTLY in love with my grandson.. all the hatred, the feeling of insecurity of being labeled a grandmother, fell away. He had to stay in the hospital for an additional 2 weeks and I was there every single day, hovering over him, fussing over him, making sure my daughter was feeding him, changing him correctly, hugging him all the time, talking to him every waking second..

I've since had 2 more grandkids and I'm only 45... I have a grandaughter Keitana who is 5 years old. I remember complaining to my daughter "How the hell did I give birth to such a quiet daughter? I hope one of my grandkids takes after me" and LO and BEHOLD.. enter Keitana the fierce, the warrior, the opinionated, the curious, the fearless, my granddaughter.. my MINI-ME!! hahahaha be careful what you wish for.. you just might GET IT!! and I sure did...

and my most recent grandchild.. my grandson Wayne Lawrence To'iaivao 4 months.. my bundle of big eyes, big fat thighs, and beautiful smile.... My bundle of happiness & joy...

I've been blessed.... to be young enough to enjoy my adult children AAAANNND my grandkids. My house is full, my life is full, and my heart is full... So being a young grandmother isn't as bad as I originally thought.. if anything, these grandkids have done an amazing job of keeping me young at heart.... Heres to being a grandparent... because something happy & magical happens when you step into this next phase of your life... CHEERS!!!


No comments:

Post a Comment